Mood: Meh.
Music: Death Cab For Cutie - "Marching Bands of Manhattan"
Medicine: Still Physiology
Sometimes, I hate being a medical student.
I go on and on about how I love what I'm learning. And it's true. I enjoy it a lot. If I didn't, I know I wouldn't have even survived a month of what I do. With the end goal in mind, I push myself forward. Because damn it, this is what I've geared my life up for. This is what I want to do in my future.
It just sucks right now.
We all do our best to keep a smile on our faces. Even when every single day is spent staring at a book on average of about 8 hours. Many days it's worse. There are days before a big exam that I've spend 14 solid hours out of the day studying. That's not including any breaks, or time it takes to cook, eat, exercise, shower, brush my teeth, shave, go to the bathroom, or any other daily routine activity. Although sometimes it's more efficient to combine some of those with studying.
I have a relationship with my studies. And it sucks. I want so badly to throw down the book at times, call up a good friend, chat for hours upon end, go to the beach, go to a movie, go hiking, go surfing, go running, go do SOMETHING other than study. But. I can't. Every once in a while, sure. But not nearly as frequently as I want. It makes it hard to stay in contact with people, to keep friendships going. You know who you guys are, I hope you never feel neglected. I do my best, and though it may not seem like it to you, I feel like I fail. Thanks for sticking around. I wish I could spend more time with you.
And friendship isn't the extent of it. As I've said before, I'm a hopeless romantic. Right now, there's a wonderful woman who I want to get to know so much more. And she knows it, too. If only we could have gotten the timing right. If only we could have started something up earlier. But now, instead, I have to spend time reading textbooks and becoming a doctor. Like I said, I have a relationship with my studies. Looks like I'm going to have to just suffer for the future of my patients.
It's not bad all the time, it's just sometime I need to bitch about it. Talk to someone about it. Let my frustrations out. Because as calm, patient, and focused as I may seem... as happy, optimistic, and cheerful as I am... I need an outlet every now and again. This is just one of those times. Thanks for listening to me rant.
"And it is true what you said: that I live like a hermit in my own head. But when the sun shines again, I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in."
Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
March Madness
Mood: Pensive
Music: Lex Land - "As Much As You Lead"
Medicine: Physiology
It's been a little bit since I last posted, and so much has happened. But there's no fathomable way I can regurgitate all of the events that have occurred since my last post. So, I'll sum most of it up in this sentence: studying, studying, studying. Okay, that's not really a sentence. But it fills in about 70% of what my life has been lately. I'll attempt to write about the other 30%. Or maybe more like 15%. I don't think I could get all of it into this blog. Plus I have to be a little mysterious, right?
The most notable experience of the month was spending time in the OR shadowing Dr. Reavis, a general surgeon who specializes in the foregut. He worked with the Neurology team to perform a ventriculopulmonary shunt, in which cerebrospinal fluid was directed to the abdomen through a tube from the brain. It's a good way to alleviate pressure in the head if the body is overproducing CSF (for example, after multiple head traumas). The abdominal surgery was laparoscopic, which means they make three small incisions: two for instruments (working with the left and right hands), and one for a camera. It was fantastic seeing the anatomy inside the abdomen, unabashed by dissection equipment as I've been normally used to seeing. So Dr. Reavis' task was to place the tube in the abdomen, and bury it in the hepatorenal recess (on the right side of the body tucked behind the liver). He also created a technique in which he punctured through the falciform ligament with the tube. The falciform ligament, by the way, is a sheet-like ligament that extends from the liver and connects it to the front chest wall. It's yet another way to make sure the liver stays in place. Anyhow, rather than just keeping the liver in place, he punctured the tube through this sheet of strong tissue, thus stabilizing the tube and preventing it from moving around when the patient is in action. Cool stuff! It was phenomenal to see anatomy applied into the real world setting of surgery.
Aside from Dr. Reavis' surgery, I stepped out of the room to observe other surgeons doing their thing, and had the chance to see a prolapsed rectum (yummy) and an exploratory surgery through the abdomen in search of cancer. Oh man. It got me pumped up about surgery. General surgery may be in my future, who knows! I know it used to be a field with long hours and low pay, but now more than ever, there is more flexibility. Dr. Reavis was telling me that you can cater the job to your lifestyle, which I think is exceptionally important.
Something that stood out to me was Dr. Reavis' attitude about life. He emphasized the importance of enjoying yourself, and collaboration in the medical field with your peers. I could see it a little bit in the OR, too, when we roamed around the OR to see what other exciting surgeries were taking place. Some surgeons we saw were hardcore. Others had big egos. Still others had music going in the background as they operated. But all of them responded to Dr. Reavis in the same way; they loved him. Even the neurosurgeons (yep, the hardcore stone-faced neurosurgeons) lit up when he walked into the room. He joked with them, poked fun a little bit, and somehow retained a professional conduct simultaneously. He only acted serious when he was operating, when the situation called for it. And still, he took the time to teach me what he was doing, even though I'm a lowly medical student. He was an easy guy to be around. Asking about his lifestyle, he told me his philosophy and approach to life: we live once, so have fun doing it. If you want to do surgery 14 hours a day, do surgery 14 hours a day. If family is your number one priority, cut back on hours and spend time with family. It's important to divide up your time proportionally to the things you love, because otherwise you'll end up bitter and dissatisfied. That doesn't mean working comes without sacrifices. There will be sacrifices, but keeping your priorities straight helps to recapitulate the reasons you're making those sacrifices. Life itself is a balance. Just watching Dr. Reavis in the OR, I could tell that he was doing what he enjoyed. And that's what counts. Do what you love and love what you do. Whatever speciality I end up entering, I'm taking that message with me.
On an unrelated note, we had a talent show this last weekend! About three weeks ago, a couple of med students and I brought together an eclectic mix of musical instruments (drums, electric guitar, acoustic guitar, bass, and piano) to jam and blow off some steam after a physiology test. After playing together for half an hour or so, we committed to the talent show. I have to say, I had no idea how much talent there was in our class! Our act followed the intermission, giving us 20 minutes to set up and prepare mentally. I have to admit I was certainly nervous, but when we started getting into it, it was lots of fun. Definitely going to do it next year.
I've been getting into a lot of indie bands with female singers recently. I think it stemmed initially from Metric, and listening to music from a good friend of mine. My most recent addiction is a more pop indie singer/songwriter sound by the artist formerly (and uh... concurrently...) known as "Lex Land". The singer produces a soft and soothing melody, with a relaxed sound full of meaning and emotion. Along with her excellent vocal range, I think what really draws me in are the lyrics; they feel like her own personal experience. They're so sappy lol. Good stuff.
This week and next week are going to be crazy, so I probably won't blog until spring break. We have our shelfs (read "nationally standardized medical finals") for histology and physiology next week. So everything we've learned in the past 6-7 months in both those classes are going to be tested. This means every extra hour I have in the day will be spent reviewing. On top of the physiology, we picked up anatomy again, along with genetics. The second years called this "March Madness", one of the roughest months. As crazy as it has been, it's good to know I'm almost at the end of it. Just two more weeks...
"We're just too good at never getting our timing right."
Music: Lex Land - "As Much As You Lead"
Medicine: Physiology
It's been a little bit since I last posted, and so much has happened. But there's no fathomable way I can regurgitate all of the events that have occurred since my last post. So, I'll sum most of it up in this sentence: studying, studying, studying. Okay, that's not really a sentence. But it fills in about 70% of what my life has been lately. I'll attempt to write about the other 30%. Or maybe more like 15%. I don't think I could get all of it into this blog. Plus I have to be a little mysterious, right?
The most notable experience of the month was spending time in the OR shadowing Dr. Reavis, a general surgeon who specializes in the foregut. He worked with the Neurology team to perform a ventriculopulmonary shunt, in which cerebrospinal fluid was directed to the abdomen through a tube from the brain. It's a good way to alleviate pressure in the head if the body is overproducing CSF (for example, after multiple head traumas). The abdominal surgery was laparoscopic, which means they make three small incisions: two for instruments (working with the left and right hands), and one for a camera. It was fantastic seeing the anatomy inside the abdomen, unabashed by dissection equipment as I've been normally used to seeing. So Dr. Reavis' task was to place the tube in the abdomen, and bury it in the hepatorenal recess (on the right side of the body tucked behind the liver). He also created a technique in which he punctured through the falciform ligament with the tube. The falciform ligament, by the way, is a sheet-like ligament that extends from the liver and connects it to the front chest wall. It's yet another way to make sure the liver stays in place. Anyhow, rather than just keeping the liver in place, he punctured the tube through this sheet of strong tissue, thus stabilizing the tube and preventing it from moving around when the patient is in action. Cool stuff! It was phenomenal to see anatomy applied into the real world setting of surgery.
Aside from Dr. Reavis' surgery, I stepped out of the room to observe other surgeons doing their thing, and had the chance to see a prolapsed rectum (yummy) and an exploratory surgery through the abdomen in search of cancer. Oh man. It got me pumped up about surgery. General surgery may be in my future, who knows! I know it used to be a field with long hours and low pay, but now more than ever, there is more flexibility. Dr. Reavis was telling me that you can cater the job to your lifestyle, which I think is exceptionally important.
Something that stood out to me was Dr. Reavis' attitude about life. He emphasized the importance of enjoying yourself, and collaboration in the medical field with your peers. I could see it a little bit in the OR, too, when we roamed around the OR to see what other exciting surgeries were taking place. Some surgeons we saw were hardcore. Others had big egos. Still others had music going in the background as they operated. But all of them responded to Dr. Reavis in the same way; they loved him. Even the neurosurgeons (yep, the hardcore stone-faced neurosurgeons) lit up when he walked into the room. He joked with them, poked fun a little bit, and somehow retained a professional conduct simultaneously. He only acted serious when he was operating, when the situation called for it. And still, he took the time to teach me what he was doing, even though I'm a lowly medical student. He was an easy guy to be around. Asking about his lifestyle, he told me his philosophy and approach to life: we live once, so have fun doing it. If you want to do surgery 14 hours a day, do surgery 14 hours a day. If family is your number one priority, cut back on hours and spend time with family. It's important to divide up your time proportionally to the things you love, because otherwise you'll end up bitter and dissatisfied. That doesn't mean working comes without sacrifices. There will be sacrifices, but keeping your priorities straight helps to recapitulate the reasons you're making those sacrifices. Life itself is a balance. Just watching Dr. Reavis in the OR, I could tell that he was doing what he enjoyed. And that's what counts. Do what you love and love what you do. Whatever speciality I end up entering, I'm taking that message with me.
On an unrelated note, we had a talent show this last weekend! About three weeks ago, a couple of med students and I brought together an eclectic mix of musical instruments (drums, electric guitar, acoustic guitar, bass, and piano) to jam and blow off some steam after a physiology test. After playing together for half an hour or so, we committed to the talent show. I have to say, I had no idea how much talent there was in our class! Our act followed the intermission, giving us 20 minutes to set up and prepare mentally. I have to admit I was certainly nervous, but when we started getting into it, it was lots of fun. Definitely going to do it next year.
I've been getting into a lot of indie bands with female singers recently. I think it stemmed initially from Metric, and listening to music from a good friend of mine. My most recent addiction is a more pop indie singer/songwriter sound by the artist formerly (and uh... concurrently...) known as "Lex Land". The singer produces a soft and soothing melody, with a relaxed sound full of meaning and emotion. Along with her excellent vocal range, I think what really draws me in are the lyrics; they feel like her own personal experience. They're so sappy lol. Good stuff.
This week and next week are going to be crazy, so I probably won't blog until spring break. We have our shelfs (read "nationally standardized medical finals") for histology and physiology next week. So everything we've learned in the past 6-7 months in both those classes are going to be tested. This means every extra hour I have in the day will be spent reviewing. On top of the physiology, we picked up anatomy again, along with genetics. The second years called this "March Madness", one of the roughest months. As crazy as it has been, it's good to know I'm almost at the end of it. Just two more weeks...
"We're just too good at never getting our timing right."
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