Waste of Paint

Mood: Thankful
Music: Bright Eyes - "Waste of Paint"
Medicine: Liver Pathology

Bright Eyes is a great band. As I've said before, Conor Oberst is a phenomenal lyricist. He doesn't have the best of voices... in fact, I'd be remiss if I didn't say that his voice is at times downright pitchy and awful. He is a lousy singer. Actually, I'd be more correct to say that he doesn't sing, but rather he talks his way through each song. Yet once you get past that, and accept his voice for what it is (dismally lacking... okay maybe I'm harping on him a bit too much), you realize that Conor is a genius. What he lacks in tonal prowess, he more than compensates for in emotional depth. Many would call his music emo. And yes, it IS quite emotional, but I prefer to think of it as "deeply introspective". Albeit to the point of self-loathing at times, his lyrics are powerful. His ability to turn inward and analyze his emotions is a quality that many artists (and in general, people) lack. And putting words to those emotions-- which he so masterfully does-- is what I love about his music.

The song "Waste of Paint" is one of my favorite songs by Bright Eyes. Really, there's nothing great about the music: there is a single acoustic guitar, which repeats the same three unremarkable riffs throughout the song (varying between verse, interlude, and chorus), backed by Conor's crude, scratchy voice. What makes it one of my favorites is the driving, repetitive melody paired with Conor's inner turmoil. The song itself is more of a story, or rather, a series of stories. He tells about an artist, a woman, his brother, a couple, and himself. He ties the stories together with a tragedy that plays vividly: the human fear of being alone and worthless. Whether we can or cannot identify entirely with his depression is irrelevant: we've all questioned some aspects of our lives, and we can perhaps in some way identify with the powerlessness that he feels.

Anyhow, my favorite story from the song is about the couple. It goes like this:

"Last few months I've been living with this couple. Yeah, you know the kind who buy everything in doubles. Oh, they fit together like a puzzle. And I love their love and I am thankful. That someone actually receives the prize that was promised. By all those fairy tales that drugged us. And they still do me, I'm sick lonely, no Laurel tree, just green envy. Will my number come up eventually? Like love's some kind of lottery, where you scratch and see what's underneath... it's sorry. 'Just one cherry. I'll play again! Get lucky.'"

There are two parts of this story. The first part is happy, upbeat, and makes you smile. The second becomes twisted, dark, and withdrawn. It's a masterpiece. You can see the clear transition in his mind. One moment he's appreciative for life, thankful in knowing that love does exist, and as he thinks more about love he becomes despondent, suddenly very aware of his loneliness. He only drives the knife deeper as the story continues. And he carries you along through his upheaval of emotions. This, to me, is art.

Ironically, I thought about this song when I saw a picture of a couple on facebook earlier today. They have been together since I first met them in freshman year of college. Over six years, and they still look so happy. And just as he said in the song, I am thankful. I love seeing two people share love. It makes me hopeful.

"Just one cherry. I'll play again! Get lucky..."

Restless

Mood: Restless
Music: Yellowcard - "Hang You Up"
Medicine: GI Pathology

Man, it's been a while since I've blogged anything. I've definitely been on quite a hiatus. And there's a reason: second year. Second year is taking most of my time up, so much so that I've forgotten to take time to blog my experiences and journey through medical school...

Much has certainly past, and I certainly don't have the time to expound upon it. I would love to, but I should be doing something else right now. Plus, that's not the reason I started this new post.

I started this post to say that sometimes... sometimes you just forget to have fun. Or at least I do. Sometimes I can get so wrapped up in the future, so wrapped up in having to prepare. That definitely has a place and time, but I forget to enjoy the moment, too. I get wrapped up in thinking about consequences of my actions, always too concerned for the repercussions. But I forget that I'm young, and that's not going to last all that much longer.

Yeah, I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe I wish I had time to spare. Time to lose. No. Time to waste. I miss wasting time. Wasting time with the ones I love. Sometimes I feel like I'm forgetting what that was like. And it seems as though everyone around me is forgetting that, too. I don't want to sound depressing, because I'm not upset. Just... restless I guess. And scatterbrained.

Gotta just keep pushing along.

"I turn my back on anyone who won't believe, and it gets lonely... still."